I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
