the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
