Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
