the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
