I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
