I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Randomize
