Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
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