he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
