I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
