Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
It's official drugs can't kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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