I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
