addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
