can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
