i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
