its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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