I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
