She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
You're breaking my sexual little heart
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
