We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
