Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Randomize
