Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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