I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Randomize
