He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
