Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
