I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Randomize
