Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
