when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
