I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
