She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
