meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
