...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize