I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
