I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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