You work out of a Hotel?
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
