Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
lets start a swedish sibling band together
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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