So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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