We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
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Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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