it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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