I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Randomize
