You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I can't breathe out the right side of my face
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
