"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
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I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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