Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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