The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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