I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
