What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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