Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Are we still banned from the library?
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
