he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Someone signed my nipple.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
