Welp...herpes.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
