Whoa Z and x make the same sound
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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