i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
