I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
