worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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