You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
