Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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