Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
I just saw a hot homeless man
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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