i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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