And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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