you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
