i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
