I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
