Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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