she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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