No, you can still breathe under the balls.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
