I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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