He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
