have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
