We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
