I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
In other news, I just burned my penis
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
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