Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
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