seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
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You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
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Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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