Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Randomize
