Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
