Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
