my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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